Slaughtered, just like that.

Saw a video recently. A woman of about 25-30 years of age, made to kneel by a couple of masked men and slaughtered, just like that, with a normal knife and decapitated.

My hands shivered and heart was pounding against my chest. I had deleted the video but I couldn't take that image off my mind for hours on end. Still can't.

I dont know if it happened in India or somewhere else. I couldn't grasp the language those men spoke.
It didn't matter, after all.
I was shaken by the fact that world has come down to this. Atleast a part of the world.
I know I have no right to blame any democracy when the maximum I do for mankind is feel for it and write blogs. That's how much of a helpless coward I am. That's how much of helpless cowards all of us are.
All we do is judge.
No one is ready to put a fearless fight against all this. Oftentimes, we opt for the "wrong". Pitiful, right?
I do not blame the government or anyone related. I blame me and every other citizen for surrendering our souls to evil.
Someday maybe we'll realise that no one else will bring about changes for us. We need to break the walls of fear, fear of death n loss of loved ones, and give a blow so hard on the face of WRONG that it wouldnt dare be an issue anymore.

Yet, this is the maximum I can do. Feel for it. I think its time God sent back one of his incarnation to Earth. We need a miracle. Someone who can stand up and fight. Someone who can restore our faith, coz right now, my hopes are slaughtered, just like that.

Grandfather.

Unprepared. No idea how or where to start.
First memory of my achachan:
Every memory becomes cloudier as I try to think back and locate the oldest one. I guess it must be the one when he lost me in a fair. Everything there was shiney and glittering and I think I was so caught up with somethin that I stood there, staring, oblivious to the fact that he and my two other cousins had walked way ahead of me. I cried when it hit me. Thankfully, no one abducted me. xD That look on his face when he finally found me, is etched in my mind..coz I felt it too.
He loved making everyone eat (you can clearly see that on me). I recollect him setting up my dinner plate for me with rice, a bit of curry and various, as we call it, upperis to go with. As much as he made me eat, a lot more he made me drink water because I never believed in the consumption of water. xD I think he was the only one who was scared if I'll get dehydrated. :/
How he seemed:
As strict as you can imagin. Brought up 6 children will utmost discipline. No one even dared to look him in the eye, let alone back-answer. It was most naturally, carried onto the grandchildren as well. I thought its good that Im not staying with him or he wouldnt have let me hang out with my friends at all! Above all girls being around boys was a big no-no. I managed to be, I think his favourite grand daughter coz I was the only one around, mainly..
Moments:
I remember goin with him to Manalur, his village, where he grew up. He showed me the river where he used to go fishing, old houses, old neighbours..some lived there even when we visited. It was magical, not the place. The satisfaction on his face. I could imagine his satisfaction...
He used to come every single day to my house which is only five mins away. He used to come, usually with chocolates for me, and make sure all our doors were locked and if it weren't then hell would break loose! :-D
Then came the 70th birthday celebration, the festivals, the weddings... I guess beyond all this, I never really got to know him.
Today, he's lost all his memory. No wife, no children, no me. Not even his name. Always restless and calls out for his mom. He is putting up one last fight against everything from bed sore to dementia. I'm spending the nIght at the hospital today. I got to know alot more of their past from my aunt.
Somewhere along all the stories she said he was someone with a lil more of compassion n kindness to everyone.
And THEN it dawned on me. He was perfect in his own way. He finally did it. He brought his family from nothing to a two-floor, 3 bedroom and a-huge-lawn kinda house. Whatever little they had, he didn blow it. He worked. He saved.
Dont know if he hid the mildness of his heart with a tough skin. Or maybe that is just how he is. I still dont know.
All I know for sure is, I am proud to have had him. He hasnt taught me any lesson for a lifetime, no bed time stories or no piggy-back rides. But more than anything, I thank him for letting me in with secrets I was not allowed to tell my grandma, for giving me the privileg of knowing his past and for making me his favourite.
I know he has to leave us. As much as I wish it doesnt happen, I know its inevitable.
And here I am saying something I have never told you- I love you, achacha.

Monster temper.

I fight. I fIght in the most sarcastic n insulting way possible! I know its not an asset to be carried along. But, just maybe, theres nothing i can do about it. All the willpower, all the positive thinking and even the previously existed calmness all becomes void when i get angry.

Theres this uncontrollable urge to scream, to overpower... and to kill.

My very own fairytale. :)

See, it was all possible because of this one person- Michael Francis. 
Only if he were kind enough to work up his guts a lil earlier in 2010 and ask me out! We would have been celebrating our second anniversary by now. Relationship anniversary, of course. Nonetheless, we will be celebrating that in 5 months time. =D 


Although, it's been ONLY two years, as some of you may put it, we've come a long way. I've known him better than I've ever known anyone in my life and I guess, he's known me in a way no one has ever had. Except when we fight and behave like total strangers to each other. =D I totally believe that's sort of common, though. 


We have had our fights....A LOT. We still do. Our lil angering-each other-sessions...the falling back, the jealousy, oh my god, sometimes that was so unbearable! 
And even after all this, I realised, if you really wanted something, you could really make it work! as in, MAKE it work. Not by involving anyone, not by getting advices from anyone, by you, by just following what your heart says. 
I guess, that's the main thing, really. If you want it or not. If you need him or not. I can cross my heart n say that I need him to every ounce of my life. This might sound like a cliche, but without him, things are going to be a lot different and not to mention, difficult. 




Two years back, I had made up my mind to have a normal marriage and carry on a life of invisibility. Only, God had different plans for me. This boy, has changed my life forever. He opened me up to things I never saw, before. Only if he knew how much he meant to me. Yes, he obviously does know. But the depth? I wish he could see himself from my eyes. From my point of view. HE is that one person in my life whose brought so much happiness by simply being there all the time for me. Everytime something goes wrong he's there, right when I look for him, right where I look for him. He's been my strength, my power, my weakness .... my everything. He will be for eternity...
When I glance at him, I see this strong person created only for me.. and that very moment I realise how lucky I am to be with somebody who knows me in and out and loves me for exactly the same? I mean, how many people ever get to be with someone like that? It does take a lot of luck and in my case, God's been very kind. 




Today, he was so worked up about "him being the right person for me or not". I wished a thousand times over if I could just rip my heart out and prove it to him that, this little thing in there is all about him. 


I know its stupid to say I'm sure about this magic lasting forever, but I don't care. 'Cause I know, it will for sure last forever. 


You know why? Fairy tales are meant forever and HE's my very own FAIRYTALE. <3 




Together Forever and more. :)

Horribly Hot.

The rain was very relieving. The sun was very rude today. The scorching heat made me wish time and time again that I didn't choose Coimbatore for the next four years of my college life.
As the rain drops trickled down my face there was an air of amusement in the car. Surprised to realise I was deliberatly letting this happen. What do I say? They missed out on a big peice of satisfaction. The humidity was finally gone. I could lay still without having to bring my hands over and over again to wipe the sweat off.
It is near to insane to believe that I claim a bond with rains. Mostly, it is the amount of peace it brings up. Surroundings blur and my mind and thoughts become coherent. Close to a feeling that I get after confessing my day to diaries.
It rained that night, too. But, now I'm past believing that it ACTUALLY rains in the epic moments of my life. It's silly. Beyond being insanely stupid.
The drops were fierce, very much unfriendly. It had to be the Global Warming. How long was rain, fierce or not, going to put up with this?
I began to think about how I would be able to help. It was embarrassing to think how heroic I could be about the enviornmental problems and was glad that nobody could read minds. One fear that I picked up after reading Twilight. =D
Books can influence greatly and THAT can get on others' nerves. Lol.
Thousands of thoughts, remnants of past, school, the impossible, everything I want and everything I can't have flashed through..and finally, maybe too soon considering with the speed with which mind works, the thoughts blurred and...I drifted to sleep.

The rain had stopped when I woke up. The scorching humidity was back and I realised I was sweating like a horse. All I could think was the Ice-cream I had earlier today and the AC in my bedroom.

mean Life..

mostly accused of disobeying, lazing around and denying responsibilities..i've only been prefect in one arena of my life so far and that's in being a teenager..
i have this predominant feeling in me that i understand almost everything, wherein, i actually know that it isn't really true...i guess, that's how everyone of my age thinks.


one phase of my life has come to an end..and there isnt really a going back. it hurts to think that i wont be going back to my school to see those familiar faces...i'll miss them and then move on..
actually, one whole year was wasted on fighting, bitching, making people feel small and conceited and what not? it was a struggle to drag "the good" to each one's side, it was a struggle to prove the worth, it was all about vengeance and win the war..and with those days went times we regret now...
it doesnt matter now..
we have, thankfully, gathered enough memories..im even taking few fights along...coz, it's called giving up on certain relationships...


i confess that i was a snob...over a year back, i gave importance to unimportant things and it led me into innumerable pains....days passed, i realised what bummer ive been leading myself into..i used to care about what people think of me..later, i understood that it isnt really about what people think about you..coz they ll talk as long as they get to know..more importantly, it's always about what ppl you know think of you..


yes, ive experienced backstabs, heart breaks and i have wished if everything was alright with me..who doesnt?
thousands of lessons learnt....


being lonely ... being alone ... for many people ... sucks.  i get it, i get it, i get it.  but still I have to say that yes, my belief is that being with somebody who makes you feel shitty or doesn't honour the person you are is worse.
Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with.

dont i deserve to be with someone who is nice to me? 
eventhen, you are one mistake i'd gladly repeat..


the mean of my Life..